Whether it’s a familiar chain restaurant, a Michelin-starred destination, or anywhere in between, we frequent restaurants for special experiences we can’t get at home. Factors like service, atmosphere, and sharing a meal with friends or family are a part of the mix, all of which can be impacted by our own manners. While there are behavior tips for restaurants from the past that are totally outdated now, there are still dining-out etiquette tips that are helpful to know so we can be confident we’re being good companions and simply enjoy the evening. Any advice pertaining to the check is key, as this tends to be the most fraught part of the night out for many — for example, how should you order when someone else is footing the bill?
There are different situations in which your dining companion might pay for the meal, from work-related outings to a loved one celebrating your birthday. It’s a lovely gesture, and when we’re in the “being treated” seat, we can return that respect by ordering accordingly. The etiquette solution for this is to let them order first, which discreetly sets the budgetary tone without any awkward conversations. While you don’t want to insult them by rejecting their offer to pay, you also don’t want to take advantage of that by automatically picking the priciest dish. Whether they order something cheaper or more expensive, and whether they order just one dish or an appetizer and an entree, follow suit and remain in the same price range.
Are there any exceptions for this etiquette rule?
Letting the person treating you to lunch or dinner order first is not only a good rule of thumb because it will keep you within those good-manners parameters but also because it will help you relax and know you won’t be making a faux pas. Simply have a few different options in mind, narrowing it down to your ultimate selection when you hear what monetary direction your host is heading in. One exception is if that person actually recommends a specific dish even if it’s expensive, like the steak or the lobster — this is a clear sign that they’re happy to pay for that dish. The only other time you can go all out is if there’s history there: For example, do you and your friend have a monthly dinner tradition where you take turns paying for each other and you both love the splurgier dishes? If you already know the terms going in and you also know you’ll be picking up the tab next time, you have more free rein.
Other than those specific circumstances, it’s popular opinion that letting the payer order first is the safe bet. And when in doubt, stick to the menu’s middle price range. When you consider the eternal debate around splitting the bill – with some manners experts telling us to share costs evenly and some not — or the ever-changing math and rules for tipping, this “let them order first” etiquette rule is a breeze.
